S.P., 42

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My Life in a Nutshell

• I care about natural fibres and loathe synthetics
• I wish others would stop wearing products made of oil and plastics
• A significant hardship I’ve endured is “just life itself”
• My greatest regret is not spending enough time on academics
• An achievement I’m proud of is maintaining employment
• Something I look back fondly on is going to Buffalo Bisons baseball games with my father
• I was vegan for many years
• I think others view me as quirky, interesting and smart
• I wish others thought I was the most rich, handsome, fascinating man on the earth (who makes it all look so easy)

S.P.’s Story

At first glance, S.P. is a tall, lean man, with slightly dishevelled hair and a sparse moustache.  At 42, he appears considerably younger than his age, although he is wearing a sweater that would not look amiss on a senior citizen.

“I care about natural fibres. Unscented or organically scented products,” he says with a slight smile, before continuing to expound on the evils of synthetics.

“People are just literally wearing plastic bags for clothing. Their skin can’t breathe,” he adds. “Don’t sleep with plastic sheets and with plastic against your skin.”

It is an unconventional beginning to what will prove to be an unconventional conversation.  That being said, S.P. acknowledges his life, like many others, has been far from conventional.

“It was okay.  It was tumultuous, always tumultuous, but I wasn’t unhappy.”

S.P. was born in Toronto.  His father was an academic who taught at various universities; his mother, a government worker.  They split when he was nine.  S.P. spent the remainder of his childhood living primarily with his mother and older sister.

“You go through all this tumultuous stuff when you’re too young to be aware of anything.  Ie. my parents moved every six months, my dad was mean, my mom was overprotective, and then you’re into adulthood and you wonder — what was that all about?”

Nonetheless, he attempts to minimize the impact of his parents’ separation.

“All my friends were also fatherless, so it didn’t feel strange. It was the 1980’s.  Kramer vs. Kramer.  I believe it set the tone for the decade.  It normalized divorce.”

Recriminations soon follow, however, when he describes a subsequent decline in his grades, and an inattention to academics.

“The number one determinant of success is stable and involved parents,” he opines.  “It goes beyond sex, socio-economics, anything else.”

A failed reconciliation attempt also left wounds. 

“I just remember feeling angry.  I was just always in a lot of emotional pain, almost all of the time.  I still am.”

Although bright and contemplative, S.P. did not complete college or university.  He says he spent much of his twenties and thirties questioning his path, partying and bouncing from job to job. 

“Like what do you do with your life?  How do you make a living, while enjoying, on some level, the thing that you do?”

S.P. spent time as a tour guide, tried his hand at photography, worked as a DJ, and became vegan for five years.

“I guess it was fairly interesting.  Certainly there was a lot going on.  You’re young enough to feel like life is forever.”

Currently, S.P. is a producer at a software start-up, a job he says he enjoys for the most part.  He is also an uncle of three, and has a live-in girlfriend.  He says they are surrounded by children, although they have none of their own.  So far, his forties have been a time of stability and relative comfort. 

“I don’t really party.  I eat pretty well.  I just like having a girlfriend, the apartment.  I would exercise more, but I’m not doing so bad.”

That being said, S.P. still spends a lot of time pondering “the messy, mystery of life, and what you’re supposed to do.”

At present, though, he wants for little.  Eventually, he says he wants to marry and spend his life with someone.  Despite his parents’ divorce, he still believes it is possible to remain with one person forever.

As for the future?

“I just want to make enough money to live and not do something I hate.”