Anne Elizabeth, 78

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My Life in a Nutshell

• I lived in Toronto for 35 years, but have moved home to rural Ontario
• I have been married twice and have not been lucky in love, “the first was a tyrant, the second an alcoholic”
• I had a great childhood, “because we had more money than most kids. So we had the best of food, the best of toys, and our mom and dad took us on a trip every year, and we would go out every weekend. We would go to the movies every Saturday night, and out for a little treat.”
• I’m proud of the fact I went back to school and got my high school diploma at 25
• I care most about my family and my animals
• I don’t think people care enough about each other
• I enjoy a pint of beer a day
• I love cooking, baking, dancing, home decorating and playing cards
• My life wasn’t necessarily a happy one, but it wasn’t all unhappiness either
• I couldn’t care less how others view me

Anne’s Story

(In my last post, I interviewed Bob. In this post I interview Anne, his older sister.)

Anne is 78-years-old, but looks significantly younger. She is tidy and well-kept, wearing relaxed jeans and a bright sweater, and her deep blue eyes are enhanced with just a touch of makeup. Despite her age, her face has remarkably few lines, and her expression is alert and lively. Still, a touch of sadness tinges her expression, which is most evident in the downward turn of her mouth.

Nonetheless, the retiree describes the last 20 years as “the happiest years of my life.”

Anne says that’s because she’s been single for exactly two decades.

“It’s all one-sided,” she says of marriage.

Anne has been married twice, and says her marriages were the most significant hardships she’s ever endured.

“All men are like babies. Men are exactly like babies. It has to be their way or the highway. So I said, ’take the highway.’”

Anne was born in rural Ontario in July 1941. She says, like her sister and her mother before her, she married at 17. She says marrying in your teens was not uncommon then, and Anne believed she was in love.

“I thought it was like a fairy tale.”

But marriage to her first husband turned out to be anything but.

“The first was a tyrant.”

She gives an example of life with Raymond.

“One time, my first husband got really mad at me. And I went down to my mom and dad’s, and when I come home he had the shotgun. I had to run in the field and duck.”

She says he shot at her a “couple times” because he was angry she had refused to go to a dance with him.

The marriage didn’t last more than a couple years after that point, and she left when she was 28.

“I had a job at the hospital and I worked in payroll and Human Resources, so I finally said ‘I can support myself so I’m leaving.’”

Leaving wasn’t as plausible only a few years earlier. Anne says she only had a grade 9 education when she wed.

“And women didn’t work in those days, the way they do now. There were only teachers, librarians and nurses. Very few women worked, they stayed home and looked after their family.”

But she says three years after getting married, she decided to go back to school. Anne was 21 at the time.

“I went back for four years to high school and got my 10, 11, 12 and 13.”

She describes this as the accomplishment she’s most proud of in her life.

“I was the first woman, or, in fact, male or female in our town that ever went back to high school after I was married. And then others followed.”

She says getting her diploma opened doors, and she was able to leave her first marriage.

But it wasn’t long before she would meet her second husband.

“Out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Anne describes her second husband as “worse than the first. The next was an alcoholic.”

She says Robert always drank, but his alcohol consumption got heavier over time. She says she should have known how bad he would get, given his family history.

“They were all drunks except one,” she says.

“My mother never liked either one (of my husbands). She could tell. She could tell.”

Anne declines to describe anything more about her 13-year marriage to Robert, although she says there are a lot of bad memories: “too many to tell you.”

After divorcing her second husband, with whom she had moved to Toronto, Anne had three subsequent relationships, and was even engaged one more time.

“They were a disaster too,” she says.

“Men that chased me — I should just run, run around like the devil and not stop.”

Anne says she wanted to be a homemaker, but that was never really a choice.

“I wasn’t crazy over working but it was a necessity. I had to support myself.”

Anne is proud of the work she’s done, and you can hear the pleasure in her voice when she describes how she was treated with respect and appreciation, given she was so “highly organized.”

“I would rather have been happily married and had children and that little white picket fence, but no, it never happened to me.”

Anne never had children of her own, but says her brother always reminds her, “don’t say you never had children. Because you helped bring up mine and you helped bring up Tracy (her sister’s son).”

She has fond memories of dinners and movies and excursions with her nieces and nephews over the years.

“That’s what I remember. The highlights is having the kids.”

Apart from her marriages, Anne says she has no regrets, and she “couldn’t care less” how others view her. She says for her, the most important thing in life is family.

“I really have nothing else. And my little animals. My little animal family. I love those.”

Anne has always had dogs, and at times, she took care of the occasional cat.

“They’re the things that were completely mine that I loved and looked after, and they were just mine. They’re such loveable little things and they need loving and attention and you love them and they love you.”

Anne says she has never felt lonely without a partner. After her father died ten years ago, she left Toronto and moved home to rural Ontario, and currently lives with her brother. Her sister and brother-in-law of 56 years live in the house next door.

While she takes care of the cooking, laundry, interior painting and decorating, Anne says her brother does the “roofing and all that stuff.”

“I guess stuff I couldn’t. I only do women’s jobs, which I don’t think putting up light fixtures is a woman’s job.”

She says this “traditional” arrangement works well for them.

Currently, Anne says her life is quite busy. In the summer, she loves gardening, and year-round she likes cooking and hosting dinner parties. She especially enjoys baking, which she does often for the Anglican Church in town.

“Well, my mother was a cook. Her mother was a cook. My sister was a cook for a living. So it runs in the family.”

When asked about the future, she replies with a bark of a laugh, “What future? I’m 78.”

“I take it a day at a time, is all I do. If I wake up in the morning, that’s great. I got one more day.”